Vulnerability

Human beings die. With or without warning, human lives, (and maybe even spiritual consciousness,) ceases completely. The knowledge that we are not in control of our own destinies interferes with our lives on a day-by-day basis, and manifests itself in the anxiety of uncertainty. Relationships unravel when partners refuse to embrace uncertainty.

Caution against uncertainty is, generally speaking, a pretty intelligent course of action. Especially when caution comes backed by a history of evidence-gathering. But this same protector (experience-backed caution,) can also be fatal for the most important thing in life: our social connections. Too often people try to "protect" other individuals they care about by withholding personal concerns. The defense of this action is usually along the lines of "sparing the other from having to endure the petty squabbling, minor inconveniences, and possible complications that might arise." Really though, this is a power play on behalf of the withholder. Refusing to give up information in order to preserve their standing with the other, the withholder will "sacrifice" their comfort or their desires. The withholder finds that the momentary happiness of familiarity and routine is not worth the enormous risk that accompanies gambling on the true happiness in open-communication, acceptance, and love.

So relationships stagnate.

People stop asking to hang out because they don't want to seem needy, when, in a healthy relationship, the worst that could happen is a single "Not right now." No true love exists in the relationship if those involved cannot be vulnerable with one another because they fear judgment. If the person is judged, then the relationship would be best if exited.

Why is this so closely related to mortality? Human beings are necessarily limited. We are happy when people choose to spend time with us because it's not infinite. Time has value.* People don't want to risk anything by expressing their desires, for fear of ruining the relationship. Control is what is important to those who refuse to be vulnerable in relationships.

Vulnerability is dangerous. It takes courage to allow people to know a weakness of yours. But this openness is necessary for happiness. And happiness is WAY more dangerous than vulnerability.


 *(Money's value is bullshit when compared to time's.)