Modest Expectations Dashed.

(500) Days Breakdown:

Expectations:

(fake sounding) "Hey! It's good to see you!"

Then ignore me the rest of the night.

Reality:

Didn't even make eye contact. Avoided my existence completely.

And then also my other friends haven't invited me to any of the parties they have thrown. Big surprise.

Tonight I feel very alone. Happy New Decade.

See Also Murphy's Law

Yesterday at AMC I arrived almost an hour early and walked into was a shit storm. We are now out of popcorn, medium drinks, ICEE syrup and lots more. The ongoing joke of the evening was that we would eventually just be out of everything, and we would be part of the grand social experiment of: What happens when a movie theatre runs out of popcorn?

Inception is going to be 2010's best movie.

Judging by the trailers I've seen so far.

That is all.

Too many updates in one day? I had two cups of coffee earlier so my mind is JACKED UP.

It's funny now...

...but after re-reading all of my posts, it seems my blog went from light-hearted fare to a very serious matter.

No wonder people stopped commenting. Yikes!

My mom is wrong, my dad is not selfish. She's also right.

My dad is selfish only when he becomes fixated on helping others above himself. He gets so wrapped up in their problems he ignores the needs of what he cares about, including his children.

AVATAR = Gigantic disappointment

Not since "Watchmen" have I felt so let down.

Maybe I'm being nit-picky, but usually when a film claims to be the future of everything in Hollywood, it at least does something special. James Cameron, go blow a goat.

Why God exists.

Somehow through being rattled I was able to achieve one of my life goals of walking to and from Target. Only, because I locked my keys in my car, the order was reversed. I have now walked from and to, target.

TODAY.

Today

I talked with a friend past curfew.

I woke up at 11.

I went to work at 2.

I worked with good friends.

I witnessed someone get a concussion, and responded.

I got off work early.

I drove home in a snow storm with only one contact in.

I ate dinner alone.

I was almost kicked out of the house by my mom.

I ended up telling my parents about my college life.

Today I had a good day.

I got some questions and they need answerin'

What is better than the plush feeling of new socks? I do believe the answer there is "nothing," but feel free to attempt to prove me wrong.

Is it wrong to have feelings for more than one person? Probably, but I'll do it anyway because I'm a cowboy and I do what I want.

How do you tell somebody that "I don't want you to be there, it'll just be super awkward!"? You don't. You just chicken out.

Why do you chicken out? Because you are your father's son, as your mother likes to remind you.

How do you live with yourself after lying to people? By trying to prove to yourself that everyone is morally flexible, and so it's alright to do it. But it isn't.

Where do babies come from? Certainly not me.

If you like someone, should you risk being happy for miserably chasing what you perceive to be a hopelessly lost cause? I don't see why not.

I'm serious about those socks though. They're pretty fantastic.

Well Besides that Ms. Lincoln, How was the play?

After failing that Calc test as severely as I did, I will reflect on the things going well in my life.

...

Hmmmmm.

Some things are kind of changing. For the better? Who knows?

Who cares? Merry Christmas season, everyone. Don't worry so much.

4/5

Why does that fraction bother me so much? I seem to have it in my head that somehow 1/5 or something like it would validate my existence. 4/5 just seems too much. Rather it be that than 2/7, or 54/61.

EGGNOG

Apparently Nutmeg can get you high?

I didn't know that, but now I do.

See you guys in four tripped-out hours.

Just participated in the most epic fight ever.

First serious snowfall at ND = Giant Midnight snowball fight.

If that isn't living, then nothing is. North Quad fought those South Quad sons of bitches off our turf. With great alacrity and skill. Mission accomplished.

Back home again, in Indiana... polis's metropolitan area.

It's already been a great break here and it's only been 28 hours, although looking at that now I can hardly believe its been 28 hours. Then again, 12 of those were spent sleeping, which I chided myself for. I can't keep sleeping away glorious opportunities that life gives me. But sleep me is so persuasive. Oh well.

Algebraically proving that I am an emotional wreck:

(My feelings) = [(Warning Sign)(Hold the Line) + (Creep)(She's So High)] / (Should I Stay or Should I Go?)

I Know Why...

It's really wonderful to see people who you believe you have known improve. Both at the play and when marching band won 9th at BOA Grand Nationals, I was thrilled to see these people grow. It has been so wonderful getting to know them, and then to see them flourish was such a gift. That's why I go back home. To know that everyone can be amazing without me. It's a wonderful feeling that puts my faith back in humans.

My day was great

It was great because I got to play trombone football and made some plays that might not impress or affect other people, but I was really proud of them. I picked out 105 songs that I would like to purchase sometime when I have enough money. (A boy can dream). I also wrote a song and drew this kickass picture for America.

I've had enough of these motherf***ing thoughts on this motherf***ing plane!

I make a lot of mistakes. Too many, in fact, to hold others accountable for theirs.

Mistakes have been the foundation of this glorious misadventure I call life. Why should I yell at someone for experimentation.

Also: I think I'm ready to admit that I have depression.

Maybe not quite yet, though.

An unusually long post from an unusually full mind

Right now I am updating this blog from a moving vehicle. Charlie Weis's charter bus actually, moving towards O'Hare Aeropuerto for an 8 am flight to San Anton. I'm really excited about this. We get $ to spend. How crazy is that? This bus has leather seats! And the interwebs! I feel like a king. Actually, I feel like what a king would feel like if he were treated as well as Notre Dame treats their coach. This is crazy.

I'm becoming socially adventurous. We'll see where this goes.

Silly.

I noticed on facebook that someone who had just been cheated on and said "Once a cheater, always a cheater, that's what I say," just posted the video for Watcha Say, by John Derulo, as one of her favorite current songs.

Sometimes people just ign'ant.

Watching Prince of Egypt.

For the first time.

Yep.

I have been making fun of it for pretty much the whole time. Does that make me a bad christian?

Bobby R*****e's state of the mind address

I feel useless because my life lacks direction. I have no niche at Notre Dame and my life lacks value because of this. Maybe this will change soon, but maybe it won't. Also, how will not having a purpose affect my life when I'm out of college?

Better find a good major...

My Favorite Love Songs Currently

These songs have been on my ipod almost constantly recently, and to me, they're romantic:

Brand New Colony

Us

Mushaboom

Such Great Heights

Chasing Pavements

Green Eyes

Fair

Yellow

Starlight

Fix You

Sweet Disposition

Creep

While these songs have been on my ipod a lot and they aren't really romantic:

12:51

Keep the Car Running

Knights of Cydonia

So Says I

We Will Become Silhouettes

Where is My Mind?

After Hours

Ottoman

Talk

Call on Me

Odysee

Reptilia

Glass of Water (Live)

Kissing the Lipless

Reckoner

L'Estasi Dell' Oro (Ennio Morricone Remixes, Vol. 2)

Although my positioning of some of those songs in the categories might be questionable.

I feel like I'm neglecting The Stones, Beatles, and Queen. I'll return to them shortly enough, but right now, I'm just basking in these songs.

In other news, the Disco Roll is this Saturday. While I'm not short on disco fever, I am short on disco clothing. Surprisingly.

Congratulations! The World's Best Coffee! (But Seriously)

I got sick again of course. An upper respiratory viral infection that, because of my asthma, can turn into pneumonia post haste. And I have to control the pinkeye I have. And I have to heal my right arm after pulling tendons in my elbow and shoulder.

And then, saddest of all, my watch broke. My beloved watch after a year of service, snapped free from its band.

But you know what heals all of that? A kickass cup of joe from The Grey House in downtown West Lafayette. That and a crepe.

Life in the Fast Lane

I was sick. But now I'm almost better.

Classes are going.

I got a 5 out of 11 on a quiz.

Life Long Dream/Nightmare

I am officially part of the Band of the Fighting Irish and I couldn't be more excited. Getting out of high school's intense schedule and musical emphasis to play in a band with an intense schedule, musical emphasis, and better perks. Oh boy.

Needless to say I'm now a little upset.

Watching a movie with my roommate on Spike.

"I was not elected ruler to watch my people die while you discuss this in a co-mmit-tee."

The Same, Really

It's crazy how wherever you go, the same type of people exist in the same roles they did from wherever you left. Trombone players up here? Exactly like they were down south. It's incredible. I'm not saying whether that's good or bad. It's just amazing to me.

Update from the dorm...

UPDATE!

From inside my dorm room!

Dream School here I come

When I applied to Notre Dame, I knew I wouldn't get in. It wasn't because I was trying to be pleasantly surprised if I was accepted, it was because I'm not Notre Dame material. When I got wait-listed at Northwestern and the University of Chicago, I wasn't surprised and I knew that my rejection letter was on its way from Notre Dame. So after I was accepted I wasn't just surprised, I was actually kind of disappointed.

I knew that in going to this school I would have to work my ass off because everyone else who goes there is part god-alien/lizard/android/saint.

And now it's time to move in. I love that campus, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to confidently say I'm a student there.

Oh well. I'm coming now. They cannot stop me. Unless they tried.

My cat is crying.

The fat cat is outside of my door just pawing senselessly at it. Trying to get in that way because, unlike his wily brother, he never figured out how to open doors.

He's just yelling at me and throwing his paws into the door. I feel like my room is a castle under siege.

But it's a cat.

Crippling Laziness

Currently I should be packing for college. Something that is pretty important. But crippling laziness got to me first. It's so damn hard to pack when you don't know what all to pack too, or where it all should go. This is frustrating.

I need to stop posting these when I'm so tired.

I sound like an ass most of the time.

Day=Not that bad.

As I lay on my car outside the gates of Independence Park at 1:30 am I saw, for the first time in my life, a meteor so close to Earth that it lasted about two seconds and had an actual tail of red and yellow flame.

"I'm sorry for my tardiness

but I've been off saving the world. One broken heart at a time.

Oh. Who am I?

Mr. Right."

That's a pickup line I just made up. Right now. And you guys got front row seats to its inception. I'd feel honored, nay, blessed to have been here for the consummation of word and genius. I'm in one of my faux-cocky moods. And I have the right to be in one of those moods. I'm an American hero.

I feel like I just drank ten pangalactic gargleblasters. There's a stupid storm front moving through that's making my sinuses loco. I'm like Rita and the front is my Power Rangers. I'm throwing a shit ton of nerdy-ass references in here. Pardon my french. The filth's just popping out like the alien from Ash's stomach. It's the headache. And the lateness.

Read two issues of TIME today. Also watched Pan's Labyrinth and Harry Potter and the Half-Assed Script. I'm just playing. I actually really enjoyed HP6, the amount of detail is meticulous. It's quite impressive.

To all of you who got to attend various concerts this weekend, know that I am jealous and that I want nothing but smooth sailing for you on your ride down to hell. I'm kidding.

I want your ride to be bumpy.

Depressed and alone at work

Well, I'm not there any longer but that's where these ideas came from:

No job makes you feel more needed than being the projectionist for a movie theatre on a weeknight. Just try wasting all of that electricity for nobody and see how it makes you sleep at night.

Facebook is an incredibly bizarre thing. Any number of people will comment on the stupidest and most useless things... as long as they're short. If something gets above 200 characters, no matter how important it is it will not be read. It could be a suicide note or a last will and testament, but nobody would read it.*

* This last thought actually gave me an idea for a story about a group of friends who are tagged in a suicide note on facebook, but none of them try and stop the guy because they don't read the note because it's too long. And then the story would backtrack over the person's life JUST before the suicide and show how no one actually cares about him. Real upper.

Went to a party

where I was everyone's hero for being the only one in the pool. But no one was joining me. So I was everyone's hero for being out of place and lonely.

I must be a fucking superhero when I'm by myself at home then.

I'm reaching the point in life when I realize that people like me because I'm absolutely ridiculous. It's great to know that no one will ever take me seriously.

Actually I don't even know if that was sarcasm. I like being outlandish.

Saving the Earth and Pissing People Off

I love motorized scooters. They don't use gasoline and JD has one on Scrubs.

Only problem is they can only go at the most aggravating speeds. They're slow enough to be under the speed limit, but fast enough that I have to go far above the speed limit to pass them. Also they're bigger than bicycles so they're harder to pass.

I almost just took one out today because it was going way too slowly. But it was too fast so when I tried to pass it, I had to go way above the speed limit to make sure I got around it before the median came up.

Morose-tly Depressed Because of Time, but Partly Because I'm Afraid of Dying Without Ever Living

It's amazing when time finally springs on you. It happens when you notice that six years have passed since Elf came out. And you remember watching it in class that day you had a substitute teacher and you had never seen it before and that's now just so...

long ago.

When did I become an adult?

So today I created a joke...

If you saw a man going door-to-door, peddling escargot, would you call him a traveling snailsman?

If that already existed, I am ashamed and will impale myself with my katana at once.

Or did I just lie?

Welcome!

My first blog. At least on this website. Since it is common to blog, and even more common to lament on blogs about how nobody will ever read this, I am committing to be different.

If anyone ever visits this blog, it will consume their life. They will become a slave to this blog's will, that is how important this blog is. Not me as an indicidual. But this blog. Like the disembodied voice in Field of Dreams commanding Kevin Costner to build a baseball diamond, my blog will call out to others. Nothing too fancy. Not a baseball diamond, just a visit. And an occasional comment.

I will be James Earl Jones. No reason in particular, besides to have an awesome, booming baritone.