If you stick around through someone whose relationship with you depends entirely on their whims, it is not proving that you love them, but that you do not love yourself. Your love is not measured by the amount of abuse you take, but the amount of love you give. If you continue to be abused, you eventually run out of self love, and any love you give away to a person will not be real love, but a type of jealous, possessive desire.
Relationships and friendships are not based off of a series of favors to be given and returned, but there is a reciprocal aspect of giving love, and being attentive to the needs of the other. When the other in a friendship is not taking care of the needs of the other, it is no longer a friendship, but a parasitic relationship.
Self-respect is important in a relationship because it prevents you from being used. Self-love is important because any other type of love is preceded by whatever love you have for yourself. Any perceived faults will be projected onto the other person, jealousy, anger, possession all occur in loves of this nature, where self-love is absent.
Sorry the update wasn't happier. It's been a rough few weeks.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
PS
I want a girl who doesn't treat me like I'm some emotional time bomb with strange quirks that need to be suppressed.
Relationships require...
Courage. Open communication is absolutely necessary, and this means saying things that might seem foolish or confrontational. Subjugate the ego in favor of discussion. This takes bravery.
Understanding. Agreement is not necessary, and differences can spark wonderful conversations that go unresolved in friendships ("Who is your favorite superhero?!" "Would you get a tattoo?!",) but being able to see the other person's perspective and line of reasoning is important.
Laughter. Wit and imagination make any routine a new experience. Jokes are puzzles for another mind to solve. Satire's ability to critique with charm is indispensable.
Understanding. Agreement is not necessary, and differences can spark wonderful conversations that go unresolved in friendships ("Who is your favorite superhero?!" "Would you get a tattoo?!",) but being able to see the other person's perspective and line of reasoning is important.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Vulnerability
Human beings die. With or without warning, human lives, (and maybe even spiritual consciousness,) ceases completely. The knowledge that we are not in control of our own destinies interferes with our lives on a day-by-day basis, and manifests itself in the anxiety of uncertainty. Relationships unravel when partners refuse to embrace uncertainty.
Caution against uncertainty is, generally speaking, a pretty intelligent course of action. Especially when caution comes backed by a history of evidence-gathering. But this same protector (experience-backed caution,) can also be fatal for the most important thing in life: our social connections. Too often people try to "protect" other individuals they care about by withholding personal concerns. The defense of this action is usually along the lines of "sparing the other from having to endure the petty squabbling, minor inconveniences, and possible complications that might arise." Really though, this is a power play on behalf of the withholder. Refusing to give up information in order to preserve their standing with the other, the withholder will "sacrifice" their comfort or their desires. The withholder finds that the momentary happiness of familiarity and routine is not worth the enormous risk that accompanies gambling on the true happiness in open-communication, acceptance, and love.
So relationships stagnate.
People stop asking to hang out because they don't want to seem needy, when, in a healthy relationship, the worst that could happen is a single "Not right now." No true love exists in the relationship if those involved cannot be vulnerable with one another because they fear judgment. If the person is judged, then the relationship would be best if exited.
Why is this so closely related to mortality? Human beings are necessarily limited. We are happy when people choose to spend time with us because it's not infinite. Time has value.* People don't want to risk anything by expressing their desires, for fear of ruining the relationship. Control is what is important to those who refuse to be vulnerable in relationships.
Vulnerability is dangerous. It takes courage to allow people to know a weakness of yours. But this openness is necessary for happiness. And happiness is WAY more dangerous than vulnerability.
*(Money's value is bullshit when compared to time's.)
Caution against uncertainty is, generally speaking, a pretty intelligent course of action. Especially when caution comes backed by a history of evidence-gathering. But this same protector (experience-backed caution,) can also be fatal for the most important thing in life: our social connections. Too often people try to "protect" other individuals they care about by withholding personal concerns. The defense of this action is usually along the lines of "sparing the other from having to endure the petty squabbling, minor inconveniences, and possible complications that might arise." Really though, this is a power play on behalf of the withholder. Refusing to give up information in order to preserve their standing with the other, the withholder will "sacrifice" their comfort or their desires. The withholder finds that the momentary happiness of familiarity and routine is not worth the enormous risk that accompanies gambling on the true happiness in open-communication, acceptance, and love.
So relationships stagnate.
People stop asking to hang out because they don't want to seem needy, when, in a healthy relationship, the worst that could happen is a single "Not right now." No true love exists in the relationship if those involved cannot be vulnerable with one another because they fear judgment. If the person is judged, then the relationship would be best if exited.
Why is this so closely related to mortality? Human beings are necessarily limited. We are happy when people choose to spend time with us because it's not infinite. Time has value.* People don't want to risk anything by expressing their desires, for fear of ruining the relationship. Control is what is important to those who refuse to be vulnerable in relationships.
Vulnerability is dangerous. It takes courage to allow people to know a weakness of yours. But this openness is necessary for happiness. And happiness is WAY more dangerous than vulnerability.
*(Money's value is bullshit when compared to time's.)
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