Algebraically proving that I am an emotional wreck:

(My feelings) = [(Warning Sign)(Hold the Line) + (Creep)(She's So High)] / (Should I Stay or Should I Go?)

I Know Why...

It's really wonderful to see people who you believe you have known improve. Both at the play and when marching band won 9th at BOA Grand Nationals, I was thrilled to see these people grow. It has been so wonderful getting to know them, and then to see them flourish was such a gift. That's why I go back home. To know that everyone can be amazing without me. It's a wonderful feeling that puts my faith back in humans.

Home again

Why do I keep coming home if it makes me feel so miserable?

My day was great

until...

(BUT FIRST!)

It was great because I got to play trombone football and made some plays that might not impress or affect other people, but I was really proud of them. I picked out 105 songs that I would like to purchase sometime when I have enough money. (A boy can dream). I also wrote a song and drew this kickass picture for America.

But then one person said one thing, well didn't say it exactly, that just ruined my day. It ruined it not because of what it means right now, but that it shows that there is trouble ahead and they are trying to sidestep it right now. It's annoying.

I've had enough of these motherf***ing thoughts on this motherf***ing plane!

Busing out to the San Antonio airport put me in a dreary mood. Depressed really. I think I’ve finally decided to admit that I might have depression. It took almost a year without experiencing any real happiness for me to realize that i might have a problem, but then again, what makes me so special? Everyone probably experiences this, they have contented themselves with the little joy that emerges. This is a very probable alternative. My standards are stratospherically high. How they ever became so ridiculous is beyond my ability to fully comprehend, but my conjectures land the blame on my mother. I know this may seem like cowardice to blame your problems on others, but my character was not built without influence, and it is not of my own design. If it were, I would have chosen to not be so judgmental.

While I am free to make mistakes, I often hold others far too accountable for simple human error, or for wanting too badly to please others. Instead of my disgust they should have my pity, but then again, what good would pity do either party involved? I don’t know how to act. If I just shoot the shit with them, I might have some fun, but I feel that all of that talking is mostly useless, superficial, and only for the appeasement of the person who is doing the jabbering.

Mistakes have been the foundation of my glorious misadventure called life.

This post makes little sense when I read it now. It doesn't have any unifying theme.

An unusually long post from an unusually full mind

Right now I am updating this blog from a moving vehicle. Charlie Weis's charter bus actually, moving towards O'Hare Aeropuerto for an 8 am flight to San Anton. I'm really excited about this. We get $ to spend. How crazy is that? This bus has leather seats! And the interwebs! I feel like a king. Actually, I feel like what a king would feel like if he were treated as well as Notre Dame treats their coach. This is crazy.

In other news, I would like to broach a more serious topic, the topic of my recent social adventurism. I have been a little less conservative concerning my social policy recently, and I'm wary as to how it will turn out. Is it right for me to expose myself like this? Not only do I mean, is it correct for me to bring this out on a blog, but also, what if I'm wrong about wanting to interact more with people I said I wouldn't? I know we can't live in the past, but what if these people have a place in my future? I can't just discount them because the time period in which I knew them just happened to have passed. Or should I? But what is progress? It sure isn't always about moving on, which I know is necessary and my problems could only be stemming from my inability to move on, but I can't help but think that something might be there. Which brings me back to my social adventurism. Depending on the reception of my newfound boldness I should have a better picture of what my next moves should be.

Oh, and if my plans don't pay off, or even backfire, it'll be yet another fun case of sentiment aberration, a new term I just coined. It's like chromatic aberration in a refracting telescope.

Architecture, Art, Art History and Design, Film and Television, English, Political Science and Program of Liberal Studies. That is my narrowed down list of possible majors. I'm excited about all of those, but can you guess which one I'm favoring right now and am most excited to learn more about? The answer might shock you, but if you know me, the more you think about it, the more it'll make sense.

Also, say what you will about Coldplay, (I personally love them), but Viva la Vida is one of the greatest CDs to roadtrip to. I'm currently listening to Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love while we barrel down the highway at 5:41 am in beautiful darkness.

I'm also feeling pretty good today because I'm wearing my lucky shirt. But I didn't want to bring attention to that fact because whenever I do, (except for one time), the shirt backfires. It's almost a curse.

These seats are sooo nice. I've been awake for roughly 21 hours though, so I might try to get some sleep now. New time zone here I come!

Silly.

I noticed on facebook that someone who had just been cheated on and said "Once a cheater, always a cheater, that's what I say," just posted the video for Watcha Say, by John Derulo, as one of her favorite current songs.

Sometimes people just ign'ant.